Creepy, kooky Christmas
by Khell
Summary: Merry Christmas! :)


**Creepy, kooky Christmas**

Francine stood over by the punch bowl and watched what was going on across the room with a deep frown on her face. She noticed someone sidling up to her from the corner of her eye and turned her head to tell them that if they didn't mind she'd like to be left alone, thank you very much. It was Effrom Beaman with a half empty punch glass in his hand.  
"Oh, it's you", she said without much enthusiasm.  
She wasn't in the mood for that usual annual spiel of a completely shitfaced Beaman pursuing her with all the fervour and tenacity of an over-eager puppy. She had to deal with the fact that her best friend and someone she might come to consider a friend – eventually – had outright lied to her and everyone else – though she was less mad about the "everyone else" part – about the nature of their involvement for the better part of a year.

 _Married. I don't believe it. They've been married since February and never said a word._

If it hadn't been for the curiousity and diligence of some of Effrom's students they all might still be in the dark. But Lee and Amanda had been confronted with certain documents found among the files of a certain judge in Marion County – well, they hadn't been able to wiggle out of that one. She told herself she was being overly dramatic – well, the rational part of her mind told her – and that once you realized Amanda King wasn't just your average boring divorced mother of two she was actually a pretty good match for Lee. She certainly had brought out sides in him that Francine hadn't expected to ever find in him and she meant that in a completely positive way. The bigger part of her mind, though, told the rational one to just can it and leave her be because right now, she _wanted_ to be mad at those two.

Fine, okay, so Amanda wasn't exactly her friend but they did get along much better now and besides, Lee _was_ her friend and he could at least have dropped a hint.

She took a swig of the punch in her glass and made a face. That stuff tasted even worse than usual. Or maybe it was just her bad mood.

She glanced at Effrom.  
"How can you manage to drink more than a glass of that stuff?" she asked.

He shrugged.  
"Desperate measures?"

She noticed then that he was watching Lee and Amanda, too, who were talking with Billy and surrounded by other people, probably relating the tale of how their reluctant partnership had ended up in their clandestine wedding. Another thought struck her and since he seemed sober enough she decided to ask.

"Did you know?"

"What?"  
He turned to her. He seemed caught totally off guard. He probably hadn't expected she would talk to him at all.

"About those two."  
Francine nodded in the general direction of Lee and Amanda.

"Those two?"  
Effrom laughed.  
"Hell, no! I mean, of course I noticed they had something going on. Pretty much everyone who's not deaf and blind did, after all. But marriage? No way!"  
He suddenly seemed to realize who he was talking to and added with a self-conscious little shrug: "Well, that's what I would have said if anyone had asked me."

Francine nodded.  
"Yes, exactly."

She raised her glass to take another sip but changed her mind and put it down by the punch bowl instead. She didn't know what Leatherneck had put in it this year and she didn't want to know. It was that exact hue of green mother nature usually used to warn you that something was poisonous. Like those little poison dart frogs.

"And it was a pretty stupid move, too. I mean – how are we to protect an agent's loved ones when we don't know who his loved ones are? Or just imagine the Russians had found out about it. That kind of thing leaves you wide open to blackmail. Really, what did they think they were doing, sneaking around like – like – Romeo and Juliet!"

Beaman was wise enough to just nod and say nothing at all.

They stood in silence for a while, Francine pondering which actually upset her more, the stupidity of trying to keep that marriage a secret or that they hadn't told her any sooner.

"So you wouldn't keep that kind of thing from the Agency?" Effrom suddenly asked, interrupting her train of thought that had just been about to spiral towards another outburst.

"Hm?"  
Francine gave an indignant huff.  
"Of course not. This is an intelligence agency. Everything comes out eventually and I'd rather save myself the awkwardness of having to explain why I kept something secret. The review board knows more about me than my own parents."

Which wasn't actually saying much. She wasn't particularly close to her parents after all.

"Hm."  
Effrom turned back to watch the other end of the room.

Francine glanced at him. He appeared tense and not entirely at ease but that was pretty much standard whenever he tried to talk to her about something else than work. He also wasn't as drunk as she had assumed at first. In fact, he seemed mostly sober. He couldn't have had much more than half a glass of the punch, yet. Right now he looked like he were trying to work up the courage to say or ask something. She waited and mentally crossed her fingers that he wasn't preparing for one of his awkward attempts to hit on her.

"So I guess with that being the case you don't mind me asking what happened to your Romeo?" he finally asked and she noticed how he didn't dare to quite look at her. "It's been a while since anyone's seen or heard of him. Not since you got back from that vacation in fact."

Francine snorted.  
"My 'Romeo', as you call him, ran away with his tail between his legs when he realized I'm simply not the kind of Juliet he could ever handle. He almost fainted when I gave him a piece of my mind on almost ruining my life."

"So no happy end for Romeo and Juliet …"

She turned to him and raised her eyebrows.  
"You _are_ aware that Romeo and Juliet were two silly teenagers who mistook infatuation for love and stupidly decided to end their lives because their families didn't want them to be together, aren't you?"

Effrom managed a small smile.  
"Not a big fan of the great, dramatic, epic romance? Or are you more of a Thorn Birds girl?"

"Thorn Birds? Ha!"  
Francine shook her head.  
"Richard Chamberlain's a hunk, I'll give you that. But if I want great, dramatic, epic romance, I'll turn to Morticia and Gomez Addams any day", she said. "Now, those two – that's what I call true love. Have you ever seen that show? Or the original cartoons?"

Effrom nodded.  
"Actually, I have. And I agree. Though their big epic love story isn't exactly the kind with rainbows and unicorns."

Francine laughed.  
"Yes. Yes it is. It's just that it's monochrome rainbows and black unicorns."

Beaman joined in her laughter and she realized to her utter amazement that she was actually starting to enjoy this conversation. It certainly was different from their usual Christmas talks when he either tried to sway her to run away with him to some country or other or just kept following her and making drunken advances. She didn't know why he wasn't following his usual pattern this year but she was glad he didn't. This was a lot more entertaining and less annoying.

"So you're not looking for a Romeo - you're looking for a Gomez Addams?" Effrom asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Well …"

Francine gave him a thoughtful look. She'd never given much thought to it before but maybe he did have a point there. True, she hadn't seriously dated anymore after Jonathan had pulled his great disappearing act. These days she did it for fun and – well, girls had their needs, too, and might not want to get entangled in any strings. Truth was, though, that as nice and as fun those dates were, it just didn't "click". She glanced over to Amanda and Lee. Not like those two. And maybe it indeed was her fault. The men she dated where all more or less the same type – upper-class, rich, white, older than her by at least several years. The Prince Charming type. Only that she wasn't exactly the type of princess those guys usually ended up marrying. She wanted more than to just throw dinner parties, organize charities and work in the background so her husband's career could thrive. If she put in all that hard work she wanted to get something from it.

 _Maybe it's time to stop chasing after Prince Charming and go looking for Gomez Addams instead._

Someone who was man enough to appreciate and love her for who she was – not for who he wanted her to be.

 _Yah, good luck with that …_

She turned back to Effrom who was waiting for her to answer.

Maybe – What if there already was someone like that and she just hadn't seen him because she had been looking for the wrong kind of guy all this time?

 _What, he? You're kidding!_

Well, she knew that he was persistent. And that he still had a huge crush on her – she knew that he had been with Roxanne from Accounting for a while but that seemed to have worked out just as well as her and Jonathan.

Besides, all she wanted for the moment was to get to know him a little better. Nothing wrong with that, right? It never hurt to know your co-workers, did it? She just had to get it across to him somehow that she wouldn't be completely adverse to the idea of – well, of having a little chat now and then. Or something like that.

Effrom was still waiting and probably wondering why it took her so long to answer a simple question. Right, anything but simple – he must have guessed that much by now.  
"Actually – I don't think I'm looking anymore", she said.

"I see. Not interested in the big, epic romance anymore."

Was that a tinge of disappointment in his voice?

Francine smiled.  
"That's not what I said. What I said was that I'm not looking anymore."

Effrom looked at her with confused frown. She could almost see the little gears in his head starting to spin as he was trying to figure out whether she indeed meant what he probably was thinking – that "not looking anymore" might actually mean "still interested if the right Gomez Addams comes along". Her smile broadened. She decided to leave it at that for the time being. Give him some food for thought. He'd figure it out – he wasn't dumb, after all or else he wouldn't be working for the Agency.  
"Excuse me, please", she told him. "I should go over and bestow my well-wishes on the happy couple."

The corners of Effrom's mouth twitched.  
"Careful how you phrase it", he told her, "or they might end up thinking you're cursing them."

She laughed and shook her head but didn't reply. She could feel him gaze after her when she made a beeline for Lee, Amanda and Billy but when she turned round when she had reached those three he was gone. She craned her neck and spotted him leaving the bullpen. Leaving quite hurriedly, actually.

"Where's he off to?" Billy asked.

Francine shrugged.  
"I don't know. Gone looking for a black unicorn maybe?"

Billy blinked.  
"Do I want to know?"

"No, you don't."  
Francine turned to the other two.  
"And while we're talking about things other people don't know –"

* * *

When she arrived at the Agency the next morning she found a small, flat parcel on her desk, wrapped in black wrapping paper and adorned with a crimson-red bow. And a sprig of holly. Someone had gone to the trouble of painting the holly-leaves black so that the sprig matched the parcel's black and red colour theme. She picked it up and smiled.

Billy must have been waiting for her because suddenly, he stood next to her and glanced from her to the parcel and back.

"Secret admirer?" he asked.

Francine didn't answer. She just smiled at him and put the parcel back down again.

"Don't you want to see what's in it?"

She turned to Billy.  
"Not while you're hanging over my shoulder. Or anyone else for that matter. I'll open it when I'm home."

"Hm."

Billy put his hands on his back and eyed the parcel again. Francine knew he was bursting with curiousity. She also knew that he wouldn't ask her outright who had put the parcel on her desk because he knew that she wouldn't tell him.

"Seems to be an odd kind of fellow", Billy said. "Black wrapping paper. And black holly. Better be careful."

"Oh, I don't know."  
Francine pretended to ponder it for a moment.  
"I think he actually might just be the right kind of odd."


End file.
